19M needs advice on what to do. Please.

Hi ! , I’m 19M with my partner 18F and i don’t know where to begin. I’m in love with this girl , whenever I think of her she brings me peace, the sound of whistling bells and great baby blue skies , I can be in the same room and not say a word and I’d have no discomfort . We are a long distance couple , but we connected in real life like we already had known each other for years. We see each other every 2-3 months . But recently things have been falling out , and there’s many reasons for that . This year I planned to go to her college ( even though I never planned on ever going I wanted to do something with my life ) so I sent my admissions and got it , but unfortunately she never told me she switched schools ( 3 hours away from the college I applied) until I got my letter back, although I was happy about getting accepted I was demoralized, I was only going to college for her , In a state that I don’t even like but did it because she was there . After this I was scared to show the letter to my parents because they had been waiting for it to arrive even when I no longer wanted to go . I had to lie many times saying I was applying and getting everything ready for the upcoming semester in spring. Even though I knew I didn’t wanna go. I eventually said I switched it for the next semester but then sent out 2 other additional college applications ( one being my gfs college and the other on the opposite side of the US ) . I told her whatever comes first is what I’m picking , after this we took a break from each other because I had broken her trust, My Gf has these boundaries that include “ not finding any other person pretty or cute or attractive in any form, closing my eyes for movies that included sex or nude scenes, no celebrity crushes , no porn , and not having any female friends ( she says I can have them but when I did she made me block them ) and i saw a movie and told her one of the characters was pretty .. and I hate some of these boundaries because they seem so childish, but when I ask for something like space she gets upset because im ghosting or ignoring her.. anyways after a month goes by we get back into contact and within that break I wanted to be the man I should’ve been in the past with her. The reason why she has those boundaries is because of me, I had a very bad smoking problem and porn addiction, and she looked on my phone and saw loads of it , to me before that point porn was never a issue to me, to me I just saw it as naked women and sex and that’s all I really cared about it for, I was never putting it over my girl. I never wished she looked like any of the females on there. I never compared her to it ever because to me they are 2 different things . But to her she felt I was watching because I wished she looked like them or better . And I’ve always denied that to her but she won’t believe me. But to be fair we have taken breaks and gotten back together 5 times and it was always just based off me looking or watching something with girls . Anyways we plan on seeing each other for that Halloween and we did and made it happen, I see her and everything feels great and she’s telling me she wants me there and to constantly check to see if they sent any letters out , and I keep waiting but nothing ( turns out that I applied for spring semester of next year … ) Then on the night of Halloween, we are In her dorm with her friends and they are all drinking and my gfs pretty tipsy and she smiles at her phone and tosses it down. I just had this feeling of something so I picked it up as soon she left and looked at the message and it was some guy saying “ damnn you look good “ and she replied with “ thank you !! “ and she saw me looking at her phone and demanded that it was some dude that got her number when we were on break and they only chatted less than 10 times . So that night I planned on leaving but I didn’t have enough money to change my flight ticket so I had to force myself into staying in bed with her . Later I went through her phone again and saw a message between her and her best friend saying “ is ur bf still going to your college? It may be a little weird especially since the frat boy 2 doors down “ and with my bones shaking and heart pounding I kept it until we were in the car to hear a anwser , and all she said was that it was a on going joke between her and her friends then shortly after she started crying saying how she’s gonna miss me when I leave . ( this obviously made me overthink even more ) Thinking of breaking up with her before I left I end up not because we were late to the airport and we both were already stressed enough. Anyways now it comes to where we are today , we are currently on break again because even though I told her I’m not looking at any girls or watching them I figured someone who we both like wouldn’t be an exception ( it was a old vintage Hollywood actress ) but even then she got upset on how it’s never been just her and no other girl in our relationship. Anyways im at a crossroads right now , I need to pick either enrollment to this college VERY soon ( it’s this January) or wait another 6 months to go to her college . But if I go to the college this January we will break up because she can’t handle me being further and in a different environment ( party type environment ) but my family and friends are so supportive of this situation ( although they don’t know abt my girl leaving ) they are so proud of me for going there . But then again I don’t want to lose her . She means so much to me, and I’ve been in many many many relationships before and with her it just feels right, no matter how annoyed or angry or irritated I get with her sometimes I can’t help but love her, I can’t see another woman like her, I’m sure there’s much hotter woman and girls that would give me temporary comfort and pleasure but they just aren’t her. Anytime I think of her the clock tells me something , and I’m not being delusional either , every time I think of her and look at the clock it’s always “ 1234, 143, 1111 “ it’s always these types of sequence of numbers that always correspond. But as for right now, I sit disconnected and discombobulated from myself trying to capture my breath seeing what is the right way, what is best and what I should do . I need help. I need guidance or advice. I need something. Anything .